Hundredth blog post. Wellllll (please read this like my government teacher from senior would say it. Just say “will” in a really high pitched mouse voice), not on the WordPress blog, but I imported all my “flippeed her lid” posts to keep the archive all nice and chronological and on one URL.
I was going to make a list of hundred things about something but A. I couldn’t decide a theme B. A hundred is a lot for any given theme. C. My talents at coming up with top five lists is too honed and practiced to be wasted a one hundred things list. So I am going to make twenty top five lists. And away we go…
Vampires I like more than Edward Cullen
- Angel, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
- Bill Compton, True Blood
- Count von Count, Sesame Street
- Vampire Weekend
- Carmilla, Carmilla
Careers I would have if talent, time and money were no object
- MGM Corps Dancer circa Oklahoma, Seven Brides for Seven Brothers and Carousel
- Member of the Corps of Discovery.
- Member of the Council of Trent-I just thinking picking out which Bible books are canonical sounds really fun.
- Art nouveau furniture designer
- Gilded Age socialite
- John Adams
- James K. Polk
- Thomas Jefferson
- Woodrow Wilson
Simon and Garfunkel Songs
- “Cecelia”-I think everyone who listens to song goes to the three steps of interpretation. 1. OMG I LOVE DANCING TO THIS SONG, IT IS SO HAPPY 2. Is this song about a prostitute ? Really? Is that what is happening here? 3. I am so hip because I “get” Paul Simon’s allusion to St. Cecelia, the saint of music. Cue continuing of dancing.
- “Kathy’s Song”
- “April Come She Will”
- “Mrs. Robinson”
- “At the Zoo”-“the elephants are kindly but/They’re dumb.”
Least favorite: “Bridge over Troubled Water”
Inspiration for my chosen major pt. 1
- My mom, the greatest English teacher I’ve ever known
- Addison and Jill, two camp counselors I had at Great Books Summer Program
- Hawkeye Pierce, Natty Bumppo, and their respective Byronic Heroism, for being the subject of the first research paper I ever felt was worth something
- Their Eyes Were Watching God because I wanted to understand Janie
- The Eyre Affair series, because I wanted to get the jokes
Inspiration for my chosen major pt. 2
- From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler
- Sister Wendy, specifically her video about The Daughters of Edward Darley Boit
- My Great-Grandfather, George Bellows, whose work has insured that my family house is filled with books about art, and that we went to museums a lot when I was growing up
- Edouard Manet
- Mrs. D, my first nice art teacher ever
Talents I wish I had
- “Live Long and Prosper” Sign
- Hair Braiding
Favorite Secondary Jane Austen characters
- Miss Bates
- Mr. Woodhouse-Do you eat that cake? I JUDGE YOU. Now eat some gruel and let me go to sleep.
- Mr. Hurst-Really, he could be tertiary because he has nothing to do with the plot. But his character allows for dear Jane to have these little quips “he was an indolent man, who lived only to eat, drink, and play at cards, who, when he found her prefer a plain dish to a ragout” and (after Caroline declares no one wants to play cards) “Mr. Hurst had therefore nothing to do but to stretch himself on one of the sophas and go to sleep.”
- Mrs. Jennings-is absolutely ridiculous. And terribly funny.
- Augusta Elton-A 3rd character from Emma. But it has the best examples of the great secondary characters that Jane Austen creates. Somehow, Mrs. Elton, though Emma is in the same financial situation, and meddling habits, is somehow made into a wretched woman while Emma is beloved, by readers and the community of Hartfield.
Actors I would put in any movie I ever produced
- Laura Linney
- Jeremy Northam
- Paul Giamatti
- Anjelica Huston
- David Boreanaz
I have no idea what this movie is about.
Things I confuse with other things
- Farrah Fawcett/Mia Farrow
- Pulp Fiction/Fight Club
- Hall and Oates/Hootie and the Blowfish
- Neil Diamond/Neil Sedaka/Neil Young
- I don’t know if this counts, but I always think Susan Sarandon is in Desperately Seeking Susan
Most Depression Inducing Films/Books/Songs
- The First 3/4 of A Tree Grows in Brooklyn
- Mrs. Dalloway
- D2: The Mighty Ducks
- The entire Les Mis
- The Field-Titanic, Love Story, The Notebook are swell cry-fest movies. But The Field, directed by Jim Sheridan, which looks innocent enough, like a normal depressing but morally triumphant Jim Sheridan Irish movie. NO. It is a thousand times more depressing than a normal Irish movie. Watch at your own risk.
Best Depression Relieving Film/Books/Songs
- The Life Aquatic Studio Sessions, by Seu Jorge. David Bowie. In Portuguese.
- Xanadu-ONJ & ELO’s best work
- Say Anything…
- The last 1/4 of A Tree Grows in Brooklyn
- It Happened One Night
Movies I would like to live in
- A Room with a View-George, Florence and those hats
- Out of Africa-Keep the Hats, lose the Syphilis
- Sense and Sensibility-Traditionally, I would want both Emma Woodhouse’s charms and man. But, have you seen Margaret’s tree house? Plus Marianne has a really cool hats.
- His Girl Friday-Good headlines, better hats
- Amelie-If only so I could pull off French girl hair
Honorable Mention to a movie I would never want to live in, but has one of my favorite hats of all time: Goldfinger-Oddjob’s Bowler: My brother loves James Bond movies. And I weirdly always rooted for this round, Asian villain with the bowler. Plus I love the way Shirley Bassey sings “ggoldFINGAHHH”
Words I wish were real
- “whuff”-as in “getting a whuff of something.” A combination of wolfing down food and getting a whiff of a smell
- “precarious”-but pronounced purh CAR ee us. means the same thing but only related to vehicular precariousness
- “Gob”-is a word, but I do wish this was an established name like in Arrested Development
Theories I wish were accepted in society
- If ya dip it in yogurt, it’s a fruit. If ya did it in ranch, it’s a vegetable.
- Always check the elbows.
- Jane Austen is about more than hunky men in tight pants and jackets with tails.
- David Boreanaz should be in every TV show ever and Laura Linney should be in every movie.
- You can tell more about a person from their top five favorite books/albums/films than just about anything else
Ice Cream Topping with appropriate Ice Cream Topping
- Whipped Cream and Mint Chocolate Chip
- Pineapple Pieces and Strawberry Ice Cream
- Chocolate Syrup and Dulce de Leche
- Corn Flakes and Vanilla Bean
- Oreos and anything
Movies that have Photobooths
- Amelie-biggest plot involvment
- The Princess Diaries
- The Outside Man
- Not a movie, but the Christmas Tree sketch with James Franco from SNL
Best use of Elevators in a movie
- Kate and Leopold-“You must be Otis”
- Sleepless in Seattle
- Double Indemnity
- The Royal Tenebaums
Reasons I went to Agnes
- The lamps in the library
- The ability to get Starbucks on campus
- How awesome my host, Jillian, and her roomie Christen were when I visited
- proximity to home
- The mascot
These are things they should emphasize in the mailings.
Five Things of which I couldn’t think of five
- Least favorite fictional character ever-Mr. Potter from It’s a Wonderful Life
- The one blonde I like more than her counterpart brunette-Cher from Clueless, I mean I even like Cordelia better than Buffy
- The only foreign movie I will sit through with dubbing-Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (This is not because I don’t like foreign movies, it’s because I hate dubbing)
- Best fictional portrayal of Bipolar in three parts: Being medicated-the opening scene of Garden State on the plane, the division in feeling between mania and depression-Mrs. Dalloway and Septimus in Mrs. Dalloway and best overall portrayal of bipolar-Hawkeye Pierce from M*A*S*H, the show not the movie
- Best movie title-Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death