Fake AP Stylebook, how I adore you

WARNING: you probably shouldn’t read this if you have a paper due.

Because you are a literature major or really like language, you will be occupied for the next half hour.

I think Twitter is a bit silly, at least personal twitters. I don’t like the idea of humans being limited in 140 characters. But I do like the information sharing twitters that link to other things, or the comical twitters, like Shit My Dad Says, which is 103 tweets of quotes  from Justin’s, the tweeter, father.

Well, this Twitter may be the single funniest one I have ever found. The Fake AP Stylebook is like what I wish my AP Language class was like. It is irreverent, silly, and smart, poking fun at the AP, in a false pretentiousness on a Twitter, acting like Twitter is a real news source, well, because it is.

Here are some of my favorite all-time tweets from them and I bolded my two favorite favorites:

OLD DAYS: “Grandpa walked to school uphill in the snow…” OLDEN DAYS: “…after fighting a dragon.”

Only three living individuals are addressed as “the”: the Batman, the Doctor and the Erik Estrada.

Use “Roman Catholic” to distinguish the Church from similar organizations (Gondorian Catholics, Times New Catholic, etc.)

If a source jokes that Congress is the opposite of progress, politely remind them the word is “regress” and throw up all over their blazer.

To stay hip, use “po-po” instead of “police” (e.g., Po-Po Anti-Drug Task Force, Chief of the Po-Po, INTERPO-PO.)

Capitalize “ultimate” only when it is a proper name. The “ultimate Warrior” is the last warrior. The “Ultimate Warrior” is bad-ass.

Always add an exclamation point after “Barbara Streisand!” to indicate universal adoration of her. See also: Jimmy Smits!

When it is raining put a circumflex above all vowels to prêvênt thêm frôm gêttîng wêt.

One does not “use” an interrobang. One submits to it.

Add the suffix “-punk” to increase a subject’s pretensions of edginess: steampunk, splatterpunk, grammarpunk, etc.

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